Treading that fine line between being a fun, but rather boring mommy blogger that discusses my cute kid antics and my big kid hockey successes and being an Adoption Blogger that talks about the reality of parenting children in a complicated world with complicated issues is something I face every time I log in.
There is a part of me that wishes I was more anonymous because it is impossible for me now to write about some of the more difficult parts of our journey because of the necessity of protecting my children, and our family in this community of readers from judgement, or worse, pity. There are too many friends, family members, teachers and peers that read and so I choose to edit myself.
I could share about endless missed visits, ignored letters and of my anger and frustration of children not deemed important enough to make an effort to know. I could talk of a normally stoic child clutching a photo of a birth parent while sobbing hysterically over the reality of how abandonment by the one person in the world who is supposed to love you forever really feels, and how it feels to be the other mother of the same child. I could talk about how awful bullying is and how awful it is to be the parent of the bully and at the same time understand your child is doing the best they can due to no fault of their own. I could talk about crazy reactions to medications, and how to advocate for your child with doctors and teachers and therapists. I could talk about screaming fits that make you wonder if the neighbours are going to call the police this time, or wait until your child actually breaks a window. I could talk about violence and aggression inflicted on a parent or a smaller sibling by a child whose brain has been affected by the choices of their birth parent. I could talk about typical teenage parenting issues amplified by kids with extraordinary experiences. I could talk about watching for developmental delays praying that the inevitable diagnosis might just be wished away.
I could, but I can't because I am not brave enough.
However there is a need for writers courageous enough to share the reality of parenting extraordinary children honestly and with courage. They are needed because those of us living this need that support. We need to know that we are not alone in this journey. That our children, however exceptional, are normal in their experience. We need resources and ideas, concern and friendship that these brave bloggers provide through their community of sharing.
One such writer is my friend Rachel (aka Tudu / Tudusamom). I have known Rachel for several years now through the adoption writer community. She has been a friend, a support and an educator. We exchange Christmas cards and frequent emails and sometimes long distance phone calls. She honestly shared the traumatic, harsh, horrid and amazing reality of parenting a large sibling group of special needs, formerly sexually abused, mentally ill and very, very loved children on her blog. I listed her blog on my own blog several months ago as one of my all time favorites.
I would link it again but I can't. I can't because she was forced to sign an affidavit promising to stop blogging all together by a social worker and a Department of Family Services that decided that her blogging placed her children in "imminent danger". That apparently talking about the reality of parenting special needs children, including the good, the bad and the really, really ugly, is not allowed in the state of Georgia. And because Rachel has written a public, and completely truthful account of life with special needs, and very difficult children, this same social worker is now attempting to remove the children from their home and family. The same home and family that has worked endlessly and tirelessly and for years to help their children heal and move beyond the trauma of the abuse they suffered while in the care of their family or origin and in the care of this same DFS system.
You can read more of this saga here. If you have benefited from Rachel's writings I would encourage you to reach out to support her, and her children during this awful time. Even if you would never blog yourself as honestly and as bluntly has she has, her children, without a doubt, cannot handle the trauma that DFS is trying to inflict on them this time. Their recovery, as much as it is, is because of her skill and efforts as a mother. I am a better mother because Rachel shared her journey and now she needs my support, and I am honored to provide it.