Its hard to put into words what life feels like right now.
On edge? Teetering? An infinite pause?
We sit and wait. We celebrate the fact that end isn't here, but we all breathe shallowly because we know its close.
I grasp at hope that I might get another visit, another few days together, and carry the reality that I really shouldn't count on it. I need to be ok if I don't. I have said what I needed to say. And still I hope.
And we focus now on the visits. The memories. The pictures. We laugh and reminisce.
We talk in circles around the idea of a funeral. Burial.
But what we all avoid is the reality of the shattering that will occur when we are plunged off that precipice. There will be no going back. No holding it together. No repairing the damage.
She is the glue that has held us together. The reason we hold on to our facade of a family. For her, we try.
My heart will break. And then my family will crack along the lines of difficult relationships.
And we wait. Until today? Tomorrow? Another week? Another month?
We sit upon this precipice of death.