Today I hugged my oldest son and my youngest son goodbye and sent them on away. Alone. On a plane.
They are currently, at this very moment, winging their way across the country straight East to where their beloved Great Grandmother is. She is awaiting their visit; While waiting to die.
Its a complicated feeling allowing your children to go through something like this alone. Alone meaning without ME. My mother is joining them part way through their trip. My 6 year old nephew is also going to be there.
It was a last minute decision. These 3 grandchildren weren't going to get the chance to join us for our pre-planned visit next week. We were hoping to be able to wait until later this winter. When word came that time was short, these 3 began to protest that they too wanted the chance to see Grandma Nan.
Monday, Caden sat in my lap and sobbed. Heart breaking, gut wrenching sobs. He needed this chance to to tell his Great Grandma that he loved her. He needs to hear it from her. In reality, he needs to say good bye.
Greg deserves the same chance. Wants the same time. And so, my sister and I made the decision to send the boys on ahead to have a visit now, while they can. Neither of us could make the trip this weekend. And so our mother got called into Grandma duty.
They will never regret going, but they might have always regretted not. And so they are sent.
To prepare, the 4 boys sat down last night and wrote her letters. Letters they will get to read to her. Letters talking about their favorite memories with her. Their favorite treats she would bake. They all talked of their love for her.
I read Caden a book called "Always in Our Heart" about a little boy whose Grandpa died. I showed them both pictures of her in the hospital so the tubes aren't quite so scary.
I went shopping for gifts that I wrapped and packed and signed with cards from my Nan to the boys. I know she will love to feel like she is giving them something too. She won't remember that she didn't buy them. They promised to pretend like she had.
Caden packed his precious album that he inherited from my Nan when we packed up her home last fall. An entire album of pictures she had lovingly put together of her and our boys. More than anything he wants to look through it with her one more time.
And so they get to say goodbye.
Nan, with 6 of "her boys"