Monday, February 14, 2011

It's All in a Name: Epilogue

I wrote HERE about why we were considering changing the girls names, and the options that were before us.  In the end, we chose to change the girls' names to a completely different option than I listed there.

Their original names were First Name * Middle Name #1 * Middle Name #2 * Father's Last Name

We changed to:  First Name *  Middle Name #1 - Hyphen My Middle Name * Mother's Last Name  *Our Last Name

There were a variety of reasons that we went with this name change and in the end we are very satisfied with our decision to include the names we did.  I have felt steadfast and firm in our decision, our request was granted legally by the province of the girls' birth.  It is done.

BUT we had yet to share that decision with the girls' "other mother".

There were many reasons for the delay in telling her, first and foremost the fact she hadn't been around much, and when she was, she wasn't alone.  We wanted her to be the first we told before any other members of the family were informed.  And so I prayed.  Alot.  For the right time, and the right words, to explain to her our decision.

This past week she came by for a visit, the first in several months.  At the end of the visit, after we had tucked our daughters into bed and both kissed them goodnight, I began to drive her home.

"So" she said, "Have you found out how much it would cost to change the girls' names, because I really want you to".

I knew that NOW was the moment I had been praying for.

"It's already done" I said quietly.  "As the girls' parents we had to make a decision that we felt was in their best interest.  We talked to psychologists, and social workers, our kids.  And we prayed.  Alot."

And so I shared with her our reasoning.  A desire to recognize the fact that SHE was the one that stood before the judge and asked him to allow her to transfer her parental rights to us.  A desire to recognize the fact that she is the one that toughs out visits as a mother who isn't a mommy.  A desire to honour her role in choosing the life the girls have when she was all alone and against huge opposition.

And, of course, a desire for the girls to know they always, fully belong in our family too.

And she cried.  And cried. And cried.

With joy.

"Thank you" she said "It's perfect".                            

And a weight, a large one, lifted off my soul.


GB's Mom said...


Di said...

And I cried! AMEN! Awesome. Hugs to all.

Penelope said...

Wow! A mouthful! I, so simpletonly, just thought of adoption as a marriage where you just take the new name. You've opened my eyes and my heart. Thanks for this post!

Andy said...

I'm so happy for you and the girls. (and YEAH! to a visit!)

Dawn said...

Oh Jen...this is precious....

Tudu said...

My sibling group chose a new first name, kept their old first name as a middle name, their old last name as a second middle name, and added our last name. It was right for us.