Thursday, April 8, 2010

I have to say something

Our lives are so focused around the MAY be's and POSSIBLY be's that its hard to come here and ramble about anything else. 

Fear is a gripping emotion.  Fear of loss, fear of change, fear of the unknowns, fear of the known.  On my on my way into the courthouse today I threw up.  For no reason other than fear.  I remember when my grandmother was called and told that her youngest daughter was killed in a car accident she instantly vomited.  I understand.  For us, it's simply the continual and never ending stress of the unknown.  An endless series of dates on a calendar each marked with the word "forever" and then a question mark.


I had the opportunity this week to speak with our local Member of the Legislative Assembly (for my American readers that would be the equivalent of someone in your state legislature) this week about the journey of children in care in our region.  The years of foster care and disruptions and what that does to kids in regards to attachment and special needs.  It was a neat experience and I made her cry.  That has to count for something, right?


My house is almost back together.  I stand in my kitchen and gush "It's SO NICE!" to anyone that will listen.  Even Miss Curious pats the cupboards and says "Pretty!".  Nothing like teaching a child to admire  fine maple cabinetry.


Lacy socks, white tights and matching pink dresses got me through the weekend. 


robyn said...

my heart goes out to you and your family. my prayers are with you and your misses.

LOVE the kitchen! i would gush too if i were you

and love the lil star shoes, nothing sweeter than dressing up lil girlies

Amanda said...

Oh, I feel for you. The only time I ever threw up (out of pure fear) was also regarding a baby in our care. I also had panic attacks.

Big virtual hugs to you and yours.

Di said...

PRAYING! Forever..... hugs!

Patty said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this unknown waiting time. It has to be excruciating. Praying!