You ever have one of those days?

Our life, to be blunt, has been somewhat in the hellish range of fun for the last month or so. Stress. Cancer. Death. Surgery. Funeral. Sickness. You know, all those fun words that suck the very life out of you.

Shel and I decided that we needed a FUN day. Somehow, someway we needed a day with the boys that was not the same. We needed to just forget, even for a little while, that which is all consuming at the moment.

We packed up the boys (and their associated 6 bags of snacks) and the dogs, called some good friends and headed out into the local wilderness. Farwell Canyon, found down a lonely ranch road, is a place of amazing beauty where a hundred or more years ago some Pioneers set up a homestead, and for many more hundreds of years before that, the First Nations People of the Chilcotin River have dip netted for salmon there. Its a majestic place surrounded by hoodoos and pictographs and to be along the river inspires awe.

From down below along the river we could see tiny people on the edge of what appeared to be a sand dune. We have heard of the mystical sand dunes of the area from other locals for many years, but neither my friend Max who has lived in the area most of her life, nor we, had ever been able to find them.

To all of us that sounded like an adventure we could not resist. And without a doubt it was worth every single moment. What we found, nestled in the wild mountains was something that I can not describe in a way that does it justice. What it was was a natural sand dune in the middle of a range of mountains that cradles a gorgeous, winding river. Follow the trail through the sage bushes (watching for ticks the whole way!) and what you discover is this amazing, glorious, absolutely unmatchable piece of wilderness that makes you remember how Glorious a world we live in. And remember we did.

And I didn't think of cancer once while I was there and that is a gift in itself.

A Perfect Moment Monday

Our lives in the early months after adopting our sons were very, very full. I was suddenly the stay at home mom of 3 boys, ages 2, 3 and 4. My husband worked shift work and took our only vehicle with him every day. We lived 20 minutes out of town and had no family to rely on within a 5 hour drive.


Grief, attachment, bonding, mis-behavior, depression, cuddles, laundry, hugs, kisses, preschool and therapy appointments filled every moment of every day . What I didn't have time for was a necessary doctor's appointment for me. It was the biggest and absolutely best mistake of my life.


And so 9 months after our family added 2 sons, and the day before my husband was scheduled to have a vasectomy, I discovered I was pregnant and 15 weeks after that, I found out I would be having another son. I am not the person who "glows" when she is pregnant. I am the person who pukes - for nine months. I am diabetic and hypertensive and sore and did I mention the puking yet?


3 preschoolers, 2 needing me available and in tune at a far deeper level than most children need their parents, and a puking, pregnant, stuck in the middle of nowhere mother. Despite the absolute wonder of a new life joining our family, some days were hard.


And in the midst of the preparation for another new son, I worried. All the adoption books I had read advising about not adding more children too soon. The possible issues with biological and adoptive siblings flooded my mind. I worried about how Greg and Eric would feel. I worried that they think they weren't good enough so that we had gone ahead and had another biological child. I worried that others would think that. I worried that they were worrying that their place in our family would change with the arrival of a new child. I worried how I would cope with their needs and the demands of a new baby. I worried if they would be able to love another new brother.


I needn't have worried. My perfect moment memory is this picture of the boys meeting their baby brother for the first time, and the awe and love that overwhelmed them all.




Caden knit our family together in ways I couldn't imagine. He was "OURS". "He is all of ours from the very beginning", as Greg so eloquently explained to me one night. The one family member that had no transition issues, no "before" to process. Caden was simply born into our family the way it was. It was healing and amazing and Caden has brought us nothing but joy and many, many perfect moments since that day.

I am so thankful that God knew better than we did what our family needed. Caden was never a "mistake" and has always, always been a miracle.