Updates all Around

My Dad, the Super Hero, was discharged from the hospital 4 days after his surgery.   The "inoperable" tumor operated on and gone.  

It is a miracle.  Of this we are certain. 

And we, his family,  are so thankful.

My birthday was hard.  VERY hard.  On the day of the year that the loss of she who was my 'daughter' is the most significant, our shared birthday, I found out news that broke my heart again.  I ache for her and dream that she is experiencing only joy.  And when I catch a glimpse of reality far different I grieve. 

   I know how my story turned out, I know now looking back how she changed us and our family for the better.  I see no "all things working together for good" yet for her.  And it is hard. 

I cried, I sobbed, I screamed at God.  And I came home to an email from a friend containing photos I had never before seen.  She had been sorting her pictures on her computer and wondered if I wanted them.  

There we were.   Baby girl and I. 

I cried again. For our past, and for her present.

My present, the girls, are amazing.  Huge.  Amazing.  Smart. And very, very busy.  The relationship we are trying to build has become very one sided.  Fifteen offered visits cancelled, missed or ignored since the last in  November, September the last before that.  I struggle with how much is my responsibility to force, and my family struggles along with me as we navigate this journey. 

Oh but the girls.  The girls.  Worth every moment. 

Can you believe that Chunk of Love on the left, Miss Jayde, was once a tiny "failure to thrive" babe?  And Miss Smarty Pants Learning My Letters Already Taya was once called 'developmentally delayed'?  

Me either.  Their present is very, very good.

The big boys are growing.  Up and Out.  And with that we face new issues, new challenges, new opportunities.  And I have made a decision that out of respect for their new maturity, and a desire for privacy on all our parts, they will no longer be an integral part of the blog.    They are just as loved.  Just as amazing and just as complicated but they are owed that right now, and I give it happily.  I promise to brag almost as often about how amazing they are.  

My middle boys remain the same.  Growing.  Laughing.  Loving freely and easily.  

I have found this a complicated time.  I am stressed out.  Tired.  Worried. Frustrated.  Questioning.  The future worries me, the past hurts me and the present drags on.

 Hmmmm?  Could this possibly be the mid-winter blues?

Crazy, Busy Times

An oldie, but a cutie

This week has been the usual mess of hockey practices, school, and work.


You add to that report cards, parent teacher interviews, church leadership team meetings, having to actually TEACH (no sub could be found) my entire class, lead a evening youth class, a quick trip to the West Coast for Tanner to go to goalie school and two hockey tournaments, and well things are a little bit busier than normal and my ability to blog slides somewhere behind my ability to do laundry.


I am heading out for the weekend to watch Greg in a hockey tournament and to visit with my most precious new baby nephew and am leaving my computer access behind.

In somewhat random news this week, I was formulating a post about how to get brothers to get along when we had a great day with the kids and I forgot all about it.

Greg spontaneously told me he loved me and gave me several snuggly hugs. Our 2 hug a day mandatory touching rule seems to be paying off and that makes me happy.

Caden attended his first hockey tournament and we've decided that he is going to have a short hockey career; As in to the end of the season when we call it a day and move the highly uninterested child onto another sport. He wants to go into luge. YES LUGE. Ah, No.

I survived my first full day as a highly unaccredited teacher teaching a class of 29, 12 and 13 year old kids because my teacher was sick and no sub could be found.

I paid a deposit for Tanner to go on a trip with his class to Quebec City in May of next year. That's the other side of the country people. I think I am maturing as a mother, if I actually let him go that is. And his new lights? Rocking SAD out of our house. Happy son, happy mama!

Shel is still employed, which is saying something in this economy and in his industry. His limp is going down, but the scar is still noteworthy and he can't wait to show it off when short-wearing weather returns.

Eric and I had a huge, blow out, no holds barred fight one night this week. And we both apologized and hugged and were ok. Progress people, progress. I do love that not-so-little-boy very, very much. I sometimes wish I was a better mother and sometimes wish he was easier to parent, but mostly I am very proud of him and how far we have come.

Tonight we met with Every Single One of Greg's High School teachers. He is doing very well and apparently has a good attitude at school. Room for improvement in some of his grades, but overall for a kid going from home schooling to a school with 950 kids? He is doing VERY well. I am VERY proud. He is an amazing kid.

Tomorrow I write report cards, for the first time ever.

Tonight I drink a glass of wine. Watch Grey's Anatomy and giggle endlessly at the addiction of Facebook as I see evidence of its pull in the lives of two men I care about. One my son, one a friend. Seriously is ANYONE not on facebook anymore?