Monday Evening

The boys decide they want to go swimming again. L, Aunt and I go to watch. Lots of fun times this time in the pool. L still looks exhausted. They ask me how I knew Greg wanted to come. I explain how we have talked about this frequently and he approached us last summer saying he thought he was ready. Then he changed his mind, and then again this spring he wanted to come. They seem to accept that.

I think its nice for them to see him with just swim shorts on. They comment on his feet. His hands. The shape of his back. Over and over again about "how light" he is. I wonder what comments would be made about Eric. He is darker.

L wants to know if Greg and I would go back to the prison with her and little sister #1 on Friday to do a visit with Sr. Greg knows we have the option of going back if we want. He hasnt asked or mentioned it. I dont know if I should bring it up or not. I tell her I will talk to Greg about it and see what he wants.

The mere idea exhausts me. Friday nights are also the day that the OTHER sister (T) goes to visit Sr. with her mother, A. A and L hate each other. L doesnt think that that child is Sr's child and has no problem saying that loud and often. Secretly I would love to meet A and Sister T. But the drama? The thought of another prison visit that drags on, or worse is made quick because of these two women dragging the kids through a mess?

Suddenly, I am craving a nuclear family.

At the end of the swim they leave. We make plans for Tuesday. Going to take the boys go Karting and to the batting cages this afternoon. L doesnt work Tuesday or Wednesday.
Greg is drained. I am drained. We watch tv and go to bed.

Lights out its dark. Neither of us are sleeping.

I go over to sit on the side of his bed. We cry. We hug. We say we love each other. This is hard.

We both know it.

He says "I think I remembered her". He hasnt remembered anyone else, other than, of course, his foster parents. He last saw L just before her rights were terminated just after his fourth birthday. I say its got to be confusing. He said it was.

"Good Night Mom. I love you."
"I love too son. I love you too"
And finally, we both can sleep.