Friday, November 13, 2009

Self Care

I am really, really good at taking care of my kids.

I am really, really bad at taking care of their mom.

In other words I never take or get a break. At least not very often. Mostly its GUILT. I am SUPPOSED to be home, I am SUPPOSED to be available 24-7. They will miss me. They might cry.

I am now, however, near my breaking point. It might be that Miss Tiny has decided that midnight to 2 a.m. is a "sleep optional" time, unless mama is rocking you at a consistent speed, while upright and humming a lullaby. It might be that whole "OMG I AM DYING" scare this week. It might be the fact I haven't been able to leave the house other than a frantic dash to run an errand between nap times in DAYS. Or weeks. It might possibly be months.

So I am taking a break.

It's -10C. It's snowing like mad. And my break involves taking 2 boys to a hockey tournament for the weekend in Valemount, BC which is a 6 hour drive in good weather. BUTTTTTTTT I am leaving the babies at home with a visiting Grandma and their Daddy. And I am practically GIDDY. GIDDY!!!!!! And this exhausted 35 year old mama does not get giddy often.

A bottle of wine is packed, as is a sleeping pill. For the first time in 6 months I fully intend to sleep through the night, even if it is pharmaceuticals induced. I am not going to have to change a bum. I am going to have a slobber free shirt, and arms available to drink coffee whenever I darn well feel like it. I will be able to have uninterrupted conversations with two of my sons AND the teen boys are totally fine with not crawling on my lap for 48 hours.

I will come home refreshed and missing my babies like crazy. I will have to attachment parent overboard next week to alleviate my guilt.

But I really, really need a break. And that's ok, right? Please tell me it's ok to take this break.

17 comments:

Moonspun said...

It's not only more than ok, it's necessary. One of the best things you can do for your kids is to show them that you know how to take care of you, too. If kids learn from example and you aren't an example of self-care, then all that you do for them, isn't teaching them the right thing. And life is about balance, it's give and take. You need to take a night to sleep. And it's very, very ok! Enjoy it! You will ALL be the better for it!

Kristie said...

Jen,
You know more than anyone that you MUST take care of yourself, else you will be useless to the girls and to your sons. You need to do this for sanity's sake. You have devoted tons of your energy into ensuring those girls have secure attachment. Part of that process however, is having them with others and then returning back to their secure attachment to you. This is just as good for them as it is for you. Trust me I have studied this stuff. This break away is good for both of you so relax with a peaceful mind that you are doing them good as well as yourself.

My name is Andy. said...

ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!

Dana k said...

About time Hon!

Anonymous said...

You Go GIRL!!!

Jess.

Jenny said...

TAKE A BREAK!

I hit a wall 3 years ago when Micah was just 3mo. I had a sick infant, a precocious toddler and a backsliding attachment challenged homeschooler. I was so tired, worn out and done that I just couldn't be the mom I wanted to be. Which caused horrible guilt. Making me not want to leave. (I get the feeling you are familiar with this cycle.)

So, I left for 4 days on a plane to my friend Kelly in Wisconsin. I felt horribly guilty. Then I slept. A LOT. I may not have been the best company, but Kelly didn't mind a she had been there. I returned refreshed and a better mom because I took care of myself.

Go. Enjoy yourself. Don't feel guilty and enjoy those boys of yours.

Sheila said...

Yes Jen it is ok and apparently a long time in coming. Take it from me, burn out is not a nice option! Be good to yourself!

Patty said...

It is soooooooooo OK to take a break! Enjoy! :)

Tudu said...

I feel you! I wish I was as brave as you are. Perhaps this will be MY wake up call to do something for myself. Like you, I do nothing for me. I take very good care of my kids but horrible care of their mother. I have no one to watch them, they need me every minute or every other minute, and I have a baby that has an extremely insecure attachment. I don't even have any interests anymore. I was even jealous of their parents b/c they have alone time in prison. It's sad. Let us know every detail so I can decide if it's for me or live vicariously through you.

One Busy Momma said...

It is a very well deserved break.
It's also not a complete break... you are still on mom duty... so, no guilt needed at all!
Hope you get to sleep all night long and that the boys have a great weekend of hockey!
Maybe you should even sneak away from the games just for a nap! ;)

urbanadventurertales said...

First of all, OMG. PRAISE GOD that the lesion is nothign to worry about! Been praying like heck the past few days for you!
Secondly, REST REST REST REST REST!

Momof3 said...

It is absolutely okay!

Amanda said...

It is so okay to take this break! As the others have said, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't properly take care of your children. So really, by taking this break, you are being a good mama. Enjoy!

dinnae said...

it's toooootally ok jen! don't be so hard on yourself! (hugs) to you, hope you had a good weekend!

ManyBlessings said...

Good for you! Go and enjoy yourself. GUILT FREE. :)

Anonymous said...

Jen's hubby here,

For those of you that know her, you know how incredible my wife is. For those of you that just read her blog you get a tiny glimpse of her absolute incredibleness if that is even a word. Ley me just reassure you all that the intensive attachment parenting that will happen upon her return is solely for Jen's benefit. The girls are attached, very very attached.

Di said...

You NEED to take MORE said breaks. Being absent for short periods of time, on a regular basis WILL make you a BETTER parent in the long run. I am so glad that you are getting a break, do a few things that YOU enjoy.. Coffee sounds good...put your feet up and enjoy! Guilt free. This is HEALING time! Hugs.