I am really, really good at taking care of my kids.
I am really, really bad at taking care of their mom.
In other words I never take or get a break. At least not very often. Mostly its GUILT. I am SUPPOSED to be home, I am SUPPOSED to be available 24-7. They will miss me. They might cry.
I am now, however, near my breaking point. It might be that Miss Tiny has decided that midnight to 2 a.m. is a "sleep optional" time, unless mama is rocking you at a consistent speed, while upright and humming a lullaby. It might be that whole "OMG I AM DYING" scare this week. It might be the fact I haven't been able to leave the house other than a frantic dash to run an errand between nap times in DAYS. Or weeks. It might possibly be months.
So I am taking a break.
It's -10C. It's snowing like mad. And my break involves taking 2 boys to a hockey tournament for the weekend in Valemount, BC which is a 6 hour drive in good weather. BUTTTTTTTT I am leaving the babies at home with a visiting Grandma and their Daddy. And I am practically GIDDY. GIDDY!!!!!! And this exhausted 35 year old mama does not get giddy often.
A bottle of wine is packed, as is a sleeping pill. For the first time in 6 months I fully intend to sleep through the night, even if it is pharmaceuticals induced. I am not going to have to change a bum. I am going to have a slobber free shirt, and arms available to drink coffee whenever I darn well feel like it. I will be able to have uninterrupted conversations with two of my sons AND the teen boys are totally fine with not crawling on my lap for 48 hours.
I will come home refreshed and missing my babies like crazy. I will have to attachment parent overboard next week to alleviate my guilt.
But I really, really need a break. And that's ok, right? Please tell me it's ok to take this break.