I have gone through this before. That strange ache to freeze time. A pause button on life. Maybe just the chance to slow the days down just a bit.
Caden was maybe 5 or 6, the other boys 9, 10 and 11. We went to a Children's Festival in the park. My oldest two were completely bored. My third took almost an hour to join in. My baby ran off to have a great time. I looked around and realized that my then pre-teens were the some of the oldest children there. An era was ending. I grieved for several days with that deep ache only other mothers know underneath the smile on my face.
My boys were growing up.
I might have mentioned before that I LOVE being a mom. I love especially being a mom of kids that willingly throw themselves into your arms and participate fully and joyfully in all things LIFE. What I really, really love is that time period between ages 4 and 9 or so when a child gleefully embraces everything around them, openly adores their parents and is willing to try new things without the required peer approval that arrives somewhere around age 10. Don't get me wrong, I love my teenagers and love my babies too, there is just something about a child that willingly invites you to participates in all areas of their life, and not just because they need you to wipe their bum or a ride to the mall!
He came home from school this week and didn't come racing up the stairs to say hello. He hid down there to play his DS which is NOT allowed on a school night. He disobeyed. Alas, of course a normal turn of events in most children's lives. Just not HIS yet. He is growing up. The lure of the Nintendo more than the fear of getting in trouble by his mom. A true sign of maturity.
And yet last night before bed he crawled into my lap and begged for a snuggle. The remnant of my baby remains.
mind and I hold these precious memories close. I will freeze time in my memory.