Thursday, September 23, 2010

How to Ruin Your Teenagers' Lives in 5 Easy Steps

Parenting teenagers is not for the faint of heart.  Or the sensitive.  Or the weak.  But apparently I have discovered easy steps into the Sacred Circle of Moms Who Ruin Their Kids Lives.  Just ask my 15 year old.

So, follow these easy steps and you too can join me:

#1)  Be elected to the Parent's Advisory Council of your teenagers' high school.  As a duty of being a PAC Board Member agree to be the chaperon at every school dance this entire year.   Make sure to share this with your children while giggling madly at their good fortune of always having a ride to and from the dance now.

#2) Accept the Facebook friend request from your son's girlfriend.  Then chat with her regularly when he is in the room but not allowed on the computer.    Make sure you share cute anecdotal stories of his early childhood. 

#3) Remind your child that you knew his girlfriend's mother back when he was not their daughter's boyfriend and her phone number is still in your contact list.  Then  (this is KEY!)  dial it and leave the room where your child is situated to have a talk privately with said girlfriend's mother.  Make sure this child can only hear laughter and not conversation content. 

#4)  Key to being an absolute Life Ruiner is ensuring that your child is the only teenager on the planet without a cell phone until they can pay for it themselves.  It helps to prove your indifference to their suffering if you offer your own pink phone for their usage whenever a cell phone is needed. 

#5)  Not only obtain your teens' teachers' email addresses but utilize them regularly.  It is icing on the cake if you personally know their Principal and have socialized with him and his family for several years.  There is nothing more embarrassing than your Mother addressing your Principal by his first name, and your Principal knowing your Mother's name too!  Ensure that your teenagers peers SEE that you are interacting at the school.


It's quite possible I am the worst mother in the world.  I just thought you all should know.

At least I was until I showed up with McDonald's for lunch today.

13 comments:

Michelle said...

Jen love it love it. I was also wondering if you were looking to start a club for how to ruin your teenagers life? I think I may be a great candidate I already follow a few of your steps. I am a very fast learner though and promise to follow every step before the first meeting. I must first check if my teenager can babysit the younger siblings so I can attend :)

Jensboys said...

Absolutely Michelle ...

Bring wine and a box of kleenex to our first meeting. :) I think that would be the ideal tools of support! :)

Jen

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness ... this was so funny ... and so "bang-on"! Our kids are only 5 and 7, but I'll keep this in mind - LOL. 'Totally LOVE that picture!
Maria (TDKOL)

T Lee said...

Nope- my Mother had the key to ruining teenager's lives.
She taught at my High School... she was the health teacher. I had her for Sex Ed my freshman year. Awesome.

Although since I don't have that inside track, I'll be sure to use some of your methods on my boys, hehe.

Jensboys said...

T - ok your mom TAKES THE CAKE!!

rlvd said...

oh man- you're giving it to them good!!! ;)

Bobbie-Jo said...

I hope I'm as awful a mother-to-teens as you are!

Lia - not Juno said...

You are evil. EVIL! Although I'm pretty sure my mom did all of those things (well, except the PAC and the chaperoning... and the McDonald's) and she's still the best mom ever. I can't wait to have kids of my own (in like, 15 years) and embarrass the hell out of them.

Veronica said...

You go girl! I too have the same power in this house. The teens roll their eyes and groan...but somewhere deep inside (at least I hope) they feel comfort in knowing that their momma cares!

It is especially helpful to know all their teachers by first names and have them as a email group so you can keep in contact with them at all times all at once. And threaten this type of contact to the boys!

we need to keep strong together!

JC said...

This made me laugh out loud. I must squirrel your steps away for when DD hits her teens. She has no idea how much parental involvement she is going to get. heh.

Anonymous said...

# 6: recommend their aunty for a position at their school.

Di said...

Oh, my, I laughed and laughed and laughed. AND said ME too Me too.. well except the part about the girlfriend / boyfriend, only because we have avoided that so far. Thank you ! Love you all

Is Eight Enough? said...

Jen,

So true! So good!! My son has been told he is not the only kid who can't have a cell phone til he can pay for it. Learned this lesson the hard way when son #1 brought in a $300 phone bill on his first bill. Boy, did that kid have to hotfoot it to find work before my phone bill was due!! Now I am not such a sucker! lol Justine