Parenting teenagers is not for the faint of heart. Or the sensitive. Or the weak. But apparently I have discovered easy steps into the Sacred Circle of Moms Who Ruin Their Kids Lives. Just ask my 15 year old.
So, follow these easy steps and you too can join me:
#1) Be elected to the Parent's Advisory Council of your teenagers' high school. As a duty of being a PAC Board Member agree to be the chaperon at every school dance this entire year. Make sure to share this with your children while giggling madly at their good fortune of always having a ride to and from the dance now.
#2) Accept the Facebook friend request from your son's girlfriend. Then chat with her regularly when he is in the room but not allowed on the computer. Make sure you share cute anecdotal stories of his early childhood.
#3) Remind your child that you knew his girlfriend's mother back when he was not their daughter's boyfriend and her phone number is still in your contact list. Then (this is KEY!) dial it and leave the room where your child is situated to have a talk privately with said girlfriend's mother. Make sure this child can only hear laughter and not conversation content.
#4) Key to being an absolute Life Ruiner is ensuring that your child is the only teenager on the planet without a cell phone until they can pay for it themselves. It helps to prove your indifference to their suffering if you offer your own pink phone for their usage whenever a cell phone is needed.
#5) Not only obtain your teens' teachers' email addresses but utilize them regularly. It is icing on the cake if you personally know their Principal and have socialized with him and his family for several years. There is nothing more embarrassing than your Mother addressing your Principal by his first name, and your Principal knowing your Mother's name too! Ensure that your teenagers peers SEE that you are interacting at the school.
It's quite possible I am the worst mother in the world. I just thought you all should know.
At least I was until I showed up with McDonald's for lunch today.