Friday, April 30, 2010

Crime and Punishment

My life is a quaqmire of unmentionable situations right now and each promotes completely conflicting emotions.

This week I spent time on the phone with a lonely, heart broken person facing enormous loss from behind bars due to consquences for choices made when those consequences were not being considered.  I write a note, I send token gifts to comfort, I make arrangements to visit.  I feel sad.  I feel no responsibility for either the choices or the consequences, but I do understand that I can aid in softening the crushing blow.  So I try.  I comfort.  I console.  I care.

On the other side of the fence, which is definitely not greener, someone I am distantly (but not far enough) related to through marriage (and certainly not my own marriage) committed a horrific act this week that resulted in a huge violation of my privacy, my comfort and my peace.  There is no sympathy from me.  No empathy.   If I let myself go there I would admit I want this person dead  and tortured  run over by a bus  strung limb from limb   to simply have never existed.  Too many years of pain and shame brought upon us by no act of our own.  And to protect my children I cut someone off that I love.  It's an almost unmentionable, unfathomable  severing, and yet in some ways it is a mirror reflection of the situation above.

Severing relationships. 

Gaining peace at what cost? 


Di said...

There is sympathy, just maybe not from where you need it most. But it is there, here, from a distance I can offer you a smidgen of that, with understanding of broken relationship. One of lesser faith in God, in the good of mankid would crumble under this sort of stuff. You are made of the good stuff Jen, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. One step, one breath at a time.... Praying here for you and your family, feeling it in my heart too!

MamaS said...

We too have severed a relationship in the last couple of weeks, it is excrutiating. It doesn't help when the other person begins to slandour you and makes threats to retaliate with vandalism.
I'll be praying for you.

Unknown said...

Hugs to you! One thing I know from reading here is that you have convictions and guts that are rare and you use them for the good of your family. It's admirable. Even when it now.

Terra Trevor said...

Severing relationships. Gaining peace at what cost? All in the name of protecting your kids -- which is everything!

Holding you in the light.

ndn said...

Sorry to hear of your pain. While I don't know the details of what you've been going through, I completely understand the pain of severing relationships for the protection of your family. Please know that I am here if you ever need me for anything.