Monday, May 24, 2010

We left. We came home. We all survived.

A year and a half ago or so Shel and I won a cruise through a hockey fundraiser.  We could never take it.  There was cancer and death and then the girls came and I don't know about in your family but I don't have alot of people knocking my door down offering to babysit 6 kids for a week.  And so that winning ticket expired in December, 2009 never redeemed.

In March my sister casually mentioned that she had found incredibly cheap flights to Disneyland (as in $37 cheap) and would we or could we consider going with her.  So, on a whim,  I called the agency we had won our cruise through and asked if there was any way that we could convert our expired prize for a cruise for two into a family trip to Disneyland.  And they said yes.  I was shocked.  A cruise we didn't really want to take could turn into a family trip we REALLY did want to take.  The only glitch was we had to take the trip by June, 2010. 

Alas, in March we did not have custody of the girls.  They also did not have passports.  Plus they are 14 and 24 months old and although the idea of leaving the girls behind was awful, so was the thought of trying to drag them through Disneyland. 

I don't leave my kids.  Ever.  At least not willingly and not happily and oh the guilt as I even considered taking the boys to Disney for 5 days while leaving the girls behind in the arms of adoring relatives.

The guilt, I tell you,  was crippling.  Which might have been why I didn't mention it on here. 

We took a week, then two and talked it over.  Finally I came to a conclusion, there was no way possible I could pass up on the chance to spend this time with the boys in Disneyland for FREE.  They too deserved this amazing opportunity and the girls, well, they would have to survive without me for 6 days. 

I prepared and planned and fussed and worried.  A four page typed schedule left behind. A photo album of us, blankets made to smell like me, lots of time spent with those who would be caring for them.  I pulled out every attachment resource I could find to prepare the girls for the separation.  Although excited for the trip I was quite honestly sick with worry. 

So we left and had an amazing trip.
We got to spend some big kid time with some incredible brothers who really, really deserved some focused attention from mom and dad.

And then we came home.  Antsy might be an apt word to describe me as we pulled into the driveway.  All those fears, worries and stresses came flooding back.  Had I set attachment work back a year?  Had I destroyed the girls' trust in me?  Would they be angry?  Hurt?  Mad?

Happy girls had been fine being doted on and spoilt rotten by those that love them. And now they were so happy to see their family.  Excellent eye contact, lots of cuddles and oh the joy to be reunited.  It was a good thing.  A very good thing to go.  It was a very good thing to be home.


Quacken said...

That is awesome. I know it's hard to leave babies behind! On the flip side, I think you didn't a great thing and made an amazing memory for your boys! I know the girls will get to go when they can better enjoy it!

Glad you had so much fun.

Anonymous said...

So great to hear!
The pics with the boys are heart-warming... you are ALL smiling with your eyes! :)
Glad that the girls did fine- knew they would. ;) hugs, CB :)

Di said...

So happy you ALL had a good time. Despite the weather! Disneyland is never a bad idea, and even better when it's FREE!

One Busy Momma said...

So glad you guys had a great time at Disney!!!!!
It is hard to leave the little ones behind...but sometimes it works out for the best like in this case!

Kudos to the travel agency for letting you transfer the coupon also!!!

Anonymous said...

Know this is 2-ish years later. When I got a 3-yr-old boy for adoptive placement (with huge attachment issues, had been blowing through placements like Kleenex...) -- I had a 10-day continuing education intensive scheduled in another state. 1.5 months after he arrived. Eek. I asked a bunch of friends, "Go or no?" They said, "Go, you don't even know if adoption is certain yet."

I was filled with fear. Would we even remember each other? Found fab family for him to stay with, would he want to leave them?

In fact, when I returned, it accelerated our bonding. I had come back for him. That contained magic. I did what I said I'd do. I came back for HIM. He leapt into my arms from the porch! I stared at him in his little bed in wonder. For both of us, it zoomed us forward, I'd guess at least 3-4 months in depth of attachment.

Would never have imagined this - but lived it. Hope this helps someone else someday.