Tuesday, August 11, 2009

An Anniversary of Sorts

It's three months since my surgery. The scars across my belly look fresh, but not swollen.

Sometimes I forget they are there until my hand brushes against my stomach and I feel the bumps, or I catch a glimpse of my naked self in the mirror. There they are - the lines that look like a toddler played a random game of connect the dots with a red marker across me.

And I remember. Cancer. That's right you awful beast, you were in me. Cancer.

Because most days I forget. My life is so full, so busy, there is no time to think and worry. The what ifs are chased from my mind by the present concerns of diapers and toys, dinners and hockey.

And then I am reminded.

Last week the mother of a child my son plays hockey against died. Mother of 4. Cancer.

Two weeks ago another online blogger friend died. Mom of 10. Cancer.

I am half way to knowing. 6 months post surgery I will get a CT Scan. A Scan that determines so much. If it comes back, survival rates are not high. If it stays away, I should be fine.

But today I will remember. I will remember those that lost this battle, and the ones that love them. I will remember with gratitude that mine was caught early, and the miracle that was. I will remember my fellow kidney cancer survivors. I will think of my dad and his battle. I will hug my kids closer and appreciate my husband more.

Three months ago a doctor gave me a gift. He gave me the gift of time. My scars might be ugly, and a reminder of a horrible experience, but they will also remind me of the gift of today.

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