Thursday, February 4, 2010

The Precipice

Living life on the edge.  I can't write about all that consumes my every thought and so I am silent. 

We wait.  Wait for life changing, life freeing, life altering news.  A decision that changes everything that counts. 

I can't even breathe the possibilities and my heart breaks in 10000 pieces even thinking of the various possible outcomes. 

I was not built for this. I am not strong enough.  I love too hard.  Feel too deeply. 

I have done everything "right".   Kept every action pure.  Ever action right. 

But my thoughts run rampant.  My hopes.  I would dream but cannot sleep.

And my heart breaks for another who fails.  I do not wish  their greatest loss being my greatest gain. 

And yet I do.  Because I love and ache at the possibility of my pain. 

I know that pain.  I cannot live that pain again.

And yet I know of their loss.  No matter what I face their loss. 

I am loved.  I love.  And I fear.

Tomorrow comes with a finality I cannot avoid.

Tomorrow  I would covet your prayers.

19 comments:

Kristie said...

You have them now....you have them tomorrow...you have them the day after for the outcome....

Sheila said...

I too know the feeling and will be praying

Moonspun said...

always...

Dana K said...

Beautifully said Jen. I am here for you in any way I can be!

Tiffany said...

You put words to so many of the things I am feeling! My prayers will be with you as I go through my own pain waiting for my dreaded day. In some ways I think it would be better to rip them away like ripping off a band-aid because the slow process of watching them slowly leave and seeing them spin out of control in the transition seems to be too much pain to bear.

Alex said...

Thinking of you and your family.

Di said...

Praying... petitioning the throne of God on your behalf... Hugs!

HMK said...

I will pray this morning! Thinking of you and lifting you up!!

Tudu said...

I am right here, sleepless, too. I have been right where you are and felt I couldn't breath. I just know things will go well. Nothing else is in their best interest. As a parent, no matter our extra curricular activities, we want to do what's best for out children. You have offered a solution that best fits every one. I adore you and I will be cheering you on from down here.

Amanda said...

You got 'em. As many as I can think of.

Patty said...

Oh! PRAYING!

mama2roo said...

definitely praying.

Kayla said...

Many, many nights I lie awake and wonder the same thing about my babies. I will be praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Holding my breath... waiting... and praying constantly!
love and hugs, CB :)

Veronica said...

On my knees...praying for strength...

Karen said...

You've got them.

Ericka Scott said...

You are in my thoughts. I'm not sure if the outcome has already been decided, so my prayers may be too late...but I'm gonna pray anyway.

Holly Daly said...

You're honesty is honored by the Most High. You're intentions and heart are known by Him. And He is big enough to care for you and them. Praying for you all.

Veronica said...

Hoping that all went as God has planned for you.