Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Birthday Re-Do (Hints for the After-Thoughtful)

Dear Men,

If your wife flips out on you due to your shocking lack of female intuition (see previous post) beg forgiveness and then make things right.

#1) Provide supper she doesn't have to cook. Yes anything will work, even re-manufactured chicken and soggy potatoes; as long as it comes with wine.

#2) Have children write sappy notes of appreciation to their mother; even if you have to ground them for a week to get them to do it as your wife will eventually have selective amnesia over the sound of boys screaming "But I can't think of ANYTHING" coming from the back bedroom.

#3) Buy a sappy gift, and yes a Willow Tree Angel featuring a mother and son is practically perfect. Other sappy gifts include anything that your wife will feel badly about scoffing at but know that including the child aspect is brilliant and practically guarantees acceptance.

#4) Warn your youngest child that recounting how you said "Let's not go there" when same youngest son tells you how he suggested buying the baby angel to "remind mommy of Lost Babe" might make mommy a bit weepy, but that's ok.

#5) Whispering in your wife's ear as she reads your sappy "After Thoughtful" birthday card if its possible she might consider sex with you in 2009 might be a bit presumptious, but not completely out of character. Bonus points for making her laugh. And the answer is still "maybe, if you're lucky".

#6) Accept all teasing, torture and implications that you are now forever responsible for dirty dishes, sorting laundry and running kids to hockey practice. This will only last until the NEXT birthday to see if you have been changed into a pre-thoughtful version of the man she married.

With Love From,

A now happy wife

1 comment:

Vanessa said...

OK I'm so behind on blog reading but now I must go read the previous post!!