Thursday, July 17, 2008


I got to dress the girls after swimming. Put on lotion. Fix their hair. It feels surreal again.
Aunt, Grandma and L join us at the hotel. I find some older pictures I had stuffed into the suitcase at the last minute. They get some laughs looking at them.

We all head out in 3 vehicles to go Go Karting. Again the sisters refuse to ride with anyone but me. Brother boots cuz out of the vehicle and we all head out.

Go Karting is fun. Sort of. I see some cracks in the surface of the "happy go lucky" sense that we have had so far. Greg watches with big eyes. He gravitates to stand beside me while we avoid the interactions that are creating the stress.

We leave there and head to the bowling alley. Once again the girls and brother ride with me.
I have noticed a pattern today. L seems content to watch Greg. Watch him interact with her other children. She is not trying to interact with him at all. This continues.

We go bowling. Aunt, the girls, brother, little cuz and I. L chooses to go play pool in another room with older cuz. You might think that she is needing the break or upset or something, but no, she isnt. She just doesnt want to bowl with us. She wants to play pool.

I negotiate with Aunt that I would like to take the family to the water slides tomorrow. Its an expensive venture, but it will be a fun memory making day and I want to make it happen.
Greg is beginning to be worried about the financial cost of this trip to us. He wants to cancel. I assure him that its ok. I assure L that its ok. Plans are put in place. Its a full day tomorrow, but I hope it will make some lasting memories for the kids.

Throughout this time little cuz is beginning to cry because he is being teased. He reacts to stress the same as Eric. Greg watches how its handled by the adults. Laughter.

"Shut up you faggot".

Greg looks at me. He comes and stands close.

Cuz comes over to stand between us. I rub his back. He wipes his tears. I remind him of the fun day planned tomorrow. He smiles at me. Sister is hanging on to my hand. Other sister comes and asks me to take her potty.

We play a few arcade games. We chat. L doesnt talk to Greg. But she seems fine with this.
We go to leave. Cuz begs to stay the night. I dont know what to do. Is this ok? I ask him what his mom has said. She has said its ok. I ask Greg. He says its ok.

I drive away this time with my son and his 10 year old cousin coming to stay the night. I wonder.... they are braver than I.

So now I watch my son watch TV. His adoring cousin laying beside him.

I have a new best friend.

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