Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Regularly Scheduled Programming

I feel like I have turned into your favorite Dog-Mommy Blogger and am feeling a need to delve back into issues that don't involve vets and dogs! Although, you should know that there is nothing quite so pathetic as a Jack Russell that has been shaved. Annie's whole back end is bare, the cast is up to her hip and she is laying in her kennel in Eric's room howling pathetically at the injustice of it all.

The good news being, OF COURSE, that she is LAYING in ERIC's room HOWLING. Thank you ALL again for your support, generosity and kind words. We can never, ever repay you.

"Foster" Parenting is Hard. Parenting is "Easy".

Miss Tiny is sitting up on her own! All of a sudden my tiny little newborn is a BIG CHUNK of a baby. Sitting, playing, babbling, blowing raspberries, giggling and reaching for me every chance she gets. She was so delayed, and now is so caught up, ahead in fact. She is scooting on her tummy, rolling around the room and expressing her opinion on many matters.

Miss Curious is talking and talking and talking. She can walk up stairs now just like a "big kid" one foot at a time. She took her diaper off and sat on the potty chair yesterday. She will sit and "read" a book, pointing to familiar objects.

I love it I love every single snuggle, every single, sloppy, baby kiss, every high pitched squeal of MAMA.

I try to understand. I try to make sense of it all. Because I sit by the phone, hours blocked away, hoping for a phone call confirming a visit. The phone has not rung in weeks.

I cannot understand choosing to miss these moments because every single moment is precious. They are growing and changing so much in such a short period of time. I try to freeze these milestones and seconds, minutes and hours into my mind so that one day I can recall their scent and feel of their chubby thighs when they are absent.

I am not sure it is possible to understand the understandable. And I am not sure I was cut out for the "foster" part of foster parenting. Heart Break is the job description.


Unknown said...

It is so hard to understand, but thank the Lord you are there for them.

Amanda said...

I struggled with this with Lily's mom too, and I don't think it is understandable. Explainable? Maybe. But fathomable to us, who could never dream of letting them go? No so much.

Before I started fostering, I remember a former blogger telling me, "If your heart isn't broken when they go home, then you're not doing your job". I firmly believe that. But man does it suck.

Anonymous said...

Wish I had words of wisdom for you.

When visits didn't happen, I was sad (but there was a part of me that was relieved I will admit) and when they did happen, I was panicked at what was happening without our protections.

It is not an easy path.

Lynn S. said...

Yes,the trying to capture the memory and hold it for future moments. Exactly. And you said it so beautifully.

Many of us are fortunate not to have the major issues that would prevent us from seeking and welcoming these moments with our children. Because some are not so fortunate, they and their children suffer for it. That's how I make sense of it all.

Kristie said...

I must say, I honour all women who foster parent. I am not sure that that is something that I could do. I know my heart would break each and every time and I don't think that I am strong enough to handle that. I think Heaven holds a special place for foster parents

robyncalgary said...

i thank you so much for your honesty. i think id "like" to be a foster parent one day, but its the sharing, the giving back that i dont know how well id do with. but to hear how far theyve come since youve had them, those babies are SO lucky. i read another blog as well (tudu) and the result of neglect is so heartbreaking, you have helped these girls to have a chance