Thursday, July 24, 2008

Happy Birthday Little Blog and a Present to Give Away

EDITED TO ADD: I am taking a break from serious blogging about our trip today. Too many thoughts running around in my head as we all adjust to being back at home. Posts will come tomorrow or next week about my regrets, thoughts, what we did right, what I wish we had done differently, and how Greg has adjusted to being back at home.

Ok so one week ago my dear friend Andy offered to set me up a blog and help me move my journal from to here.

In the week since I have been blogging, I have heard from many new people who have come along side my sons and I in our reunion journey. And I have appreciated every email and comment, instant message or phone call of support.

But, well, to be blunt, alot of you are being very, very silent. Like that reader from Taiwan? Who are you? Those folks that hit refresh all day? New Yorkers are here all the time, and I am PARTICULARLY interested in my Jefferson City reader who has spent 18 hours hanging out. Hi to you!

So to encourage you to hello and introduce yourself, please, on this our one week blog birthday, I am going to do a draw between everyone that comments for a $100 TRANSFERRABLE United Airlines Voucher redeemable for any flight in the Continental USA and Canada. And they promise they won't try to kill you again.


Heather said...

Well, I'm one of the NYers, anyhow... *wave*

I get lots of random visitors to my blog too, from exotic locales, and hardly ever any comments. Maybe I'll do a contest too! :D


Andy said...

I don't know Jen, you're not exactly a glowing recomendation for them!!

I hope you get lots of comments and figure out who everyone is!!

Anonymous said...

I may not be Jefferson City but I am Illinois...and I think a voucher would look nice in my funds for a trip to scrapbook with Andy for a week. He HE

skirbo said...

Well, you kind of know me already from commenting on my blog, and while I've not finished processing everything I've read, I'll comment here anyway. I'm hoping to take my daughter to Virginia this winter to meet my brother and his wife and the $100 would really help!!

I greatly admire what you were able to do for your son. Your journey has really spoken to me because I adopted at 16 year old girl who hadn't seen any of her birthfamily since she was removed for the last time at 12. Some of them had wanted her but weren't appropriate placements. Some were appropriate but didn't want her. Some were both inappropriate and didn't want her, including her mom, who couldn't quit drugs.

We've contacted and been in touch with lots of them since she was placed with me. I'm currently allowing her to write her mother, who is in prison and of course, has found her prison religion since she can't do her drugs in there. But it's a temporary state of being, state of caring, and I think my daughter knows it. Knows that nothing has changed but is grateful to have the opportunity to write with and ask questions of a sober mother, even though she is in denial.

It's been hard, because I would personally like to wipe the woman off the face of the planet for everything she did and allowed others to do to my kiddo, in her drugged out haze of not caring about anyone but herself. She's still incredibly selfish, it's all about her, and B is starting to realize that. I hope. Because she'll be 17 this Christmas, and mom will get out of prison about the same time that B turns 18. Neither knows where the other really is-I screen everything-but B had always said up until they had contact with one another that she would go looking for her mom as soon as she turned 18. She doesn't really say that anymore. So I hope I'm doing the right thing, I *desperately* hope I'm doing the right thing.

Only time will tell.


Unknown said...

skirbo - thanks for sharing your perspective. Really, it was tough. Exhausting, emotionally draining. Bringing your child back to establish a relationship with the people who originally caused them so much pain - and the pain WE as their adoptive parents of older kids have had to work our tails off to help heal. Its not easy. At least I have had 9 years with my son. I realize you are in a tougher spot than me. Many thoughts and prayers going your way!

Anonymous said...

Another Ny'r here and I get tons of random visitors.

Anonymous said...

Hey Jen it's Regina. Just found you the other day and have been reading. My heart for you m'dear am sending you thoughts by email as they're not really for the world, yanno? :)

BTW Thanks for linking my devoid-of-adoption-random-thoughts blog to yours. May disappoint some readers but I needed a non-adoption place to empty my head.

Sandi said...

Hi Jen,
I've been getting people from all over the world reading my blog. Some would leave comments in languages I could not read. When I had them translated..they were actually trying to advertise on my blog via comments. Crazy eh!
I now moderate my comments.
Welcome to Blog World. My blog is
Sandi J.

Unknown said...

LOL Jen.... after reading about your experience with the airline, I'm not sure if this is a gift or punishment you're giving out!

Welcome to the world of blogging, btw. Lurkers are great, aren't they? Can drive you bonkers trying to figure out who people are.

Glad you're back home safe and sound. Looking forward to reading about your retrospective thoughts on the trip.



mommyof2boys said...

Hi! I'm from Missouri and received a link to your blog a few days ago - thank you for posting your story. My youngest son is adopted through domestic adoption - but he was close to entering the foster care system. My son is almost 2 and I'm struggling with how he is going to react to his birthparents lifestyle choices and how their choices are going to impact him in the future.

Anonymous said...

You want to see lurkers? You should see some of Jeff's randoms. Of course, they send e-mails, so I guess it's less strange lurkers and more strange, umm, just stange.

Anyway, I too am a reader (of your site, and Andy and Heather and Lea and Cassie and so on...) and I almost never comment. But I am here, and reading.

And I used Jeff's blog as my blog, since I don't actually have one! It still counts, right?

Anonymous said...

How do you know where people are from?

So I posted the other day from anon cause I don't have an account and am not planning on getting one ( i already have too many passwords to remember!). But I'm healingmachine/Monica from the adoptionthreads and I'm in Miami...but did you already know that?

Anyway--I like reading because it's real. there's no debate, no right or wrong-just your story as it happens, honest and true.


Anonymous said...

hmmm- first time figuring this blog thing out. proud of me, jen? ;)
seriously, just wanted to tell you again, my friend, how incredibly proud i am of you and G: your guts, bravery, persistence, and belief in doing the right thing as best you can for those you love. luv ya, girl! KUDOS to you! cb ;)

Anonymous said...

Well, California here. Just wanted to say hi and thank you for sharing. I have no foster care adoption experience, but my friends do. I appreciate your perspective & insight. Thanks!

The Szareks said...

And another NYer here. I am the Mom of the two Liberian girls and am ranade on and wherever else.

I realize I am too late for your contest but thought I would tell you who I am anyways :-)


marythemom said...

Hi Jen,

I found you through the special needs forums on We just finalized on 13 and 15 year old siblings (foster adopt) from Nebraska (we're in Texas). We stay in touch with birth family because our kids have younger half sisters that stayed with birth mom when she kicked our kids out into foster care (blaming it all on the kids of course). Now she's pregnant with another half sister.

Unfortunately one of the birth family gave birth mom my e-mail so I am in touch with her whether I wanted to be or not. She still accepts no responsibility for what happened to the children (abuse of all kinds and they have major attachment disorders), but she did send me some baby pictures which I have to admit is amazing (since when I met my son he was already fully grown at 5'9" and 200lbs! Our daughter isn't done growing, but she's close.)

My kids were 9 and 11 when she dumped them. Their oldest sister is now 9 and the kids are fully waiting for her to start dumping them too. For now they "hate" her, but I do expect them to seek her out when they are 18.

You are so brave to allow this visit. Maybe I should consider this too so that I can be there as a support instead of them "rebelling" and going to visit biomom when they reach adulthood.

mom to biokids T(9) and K(12).
Adoptive placement of H(now 13) and D(now 15) in November 2006.
FINALLY finalized on H on 3/08.
FINALLY D was ready and finalized on 7/25/08 (the day before his 15th birthday).

Anonymous said...

I was going to save my reply for our msn convo, but decided to post if here instead...

Jen, what you have helped G and will eventually help E through (although, he's luckier, he'll get to do it the "righter" way, since you've learned what to/not to do)
was totally selfless of you and empowering to G.

I am feeling rather envious of your ability to turn off your feelings of anger and defense toward L and G sr. (although he makes it easier, since he's so pro your family). When it comes time for my kids to search out their mom, will I have what it takes to support them without judgement on their biomom, knowing all the pain she's caused them? I suppose, like you, I will have to cowboy up and make the kids' decisions to meet/contact their bm turn out better, knowing now, how better to do that, thanks to you sharing your story of shoulda, coulda, woulda's. Thanks Jen, for sharing this and for ALL the support you give my family (ME) every single day, from the morning coffee's going over daily difficulties, to the advice, books, blogs, links, recommendations and free babysitting (sanity breaks) you continue to come up with, even among your daily difficulties and little victories! You truly ROCK, as the kids would say!

Anonymous said...

Hi Jen,

Hello from central Ohio! Please, please don't "stick me" with the vouchers, but I just wanted to say hi and let you know I've been reading about your journey. Trying to decide when the best time to take DS to Russia is (and whether the whole family should go, or just DS and me)... and have found some interesting stuff in your blog...

PWNort64 said...

Coming in late to the party, but I am currently posting from Northern Illinois. In a few weeks, you'll see hits coming from Texas from me.

Thanks for sharing your journey. It has been an incredible read and provided tremendous insight into a journey I hope to make myself in the coming years.

Anonymous said...

I'm from Illinois and I saw a link for your blog on the Bethany discussion forums. My husband and I are at the very beginning stages of adopting from foster care and I'm soaking up any info/experiences I can.

I've learned a lot from you already :)